Theologians Confirm Heaven's Streets Of Gold Will Have No Cyclists https://t.co/nkjjbOUz9L pic.twitter.com/zVXC9jzqeC

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) March 26, 2026

New Evidence Reveals Judas Received His 30 Pieces Of Silver From The SPLC https://t.co/TMbAhI3jp3 pic.twitter.com/a73SB3yXTh

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) April 23, 2026

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"Looks like they've been doing this type of thing for a long time," said Professor Clayton Rookstool, a Bible scholar who worked with investigators to uncover the truth. "The SPLC apparently found Jesus to be a threat to their sociopolitical agenda and sought someone on the side to do their dirty work for them. The SPLC then worked hand-in-hand with the temple priests to have Judas work his way into the disciples, do their bidding, and report back. He was up to no good, and the SPLC was a part of the whole thing."

The discovery served to confirm that the SPLC had been infiltrating conservative Christian organizations since the beginning. "They wanted to bring Jesus down as much as anyone," Rookstool continued. "The greed of Judas Iscariot gave them the 'in' they needed to cause trouble. Thankfully, and very much unbeknownst to them, they were following right along with God's plan."

At publishing time, the scholars had also revealed evidence that the SPLC had provided substantial funding for the Philistines during the reign of King David.

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